Lesson 24 Just Like a Woman

Jenny and Andy are having a cup of coffee at a café.

J: Hey, Andy. Did you feel that earthquake yesterday?

A: Sure. I was at work. Some of the women in the office felt dizzy and screamed.

J: You know, the ground shook so violently that I was terrified.

A: That sounds just like how a woman would feel.

J: I guess we women should be brave like you, Huh?

A: Of course! (Jenny shakes the table with her leg.) Aaagh! Earthquake! Help! (He gets under the table.)

J: Look at you ___I was just playing. You’re worse than a woman. You even sounded worse than the women at the office.

A: Uh… I knew it was just a joke. I was only trying to scare you.

J: Ha! I bet!

Lesson 25 Restaurant Dos and Don’ts

When you want to eat at a Western restaurant, you should first consider making a reservation. If not, you risk having to wait for a long time for a table.

When eating, the Japanese and some Chinese are in the habit of slurping their food. By doing so, they show their host how much they like the food. Westerners find eating soup this way most unpleasant. They also consider picking one’s teeth and putting on makeup at the table no-nos. and when it comes to tipping, they just leave some money on the table. The amount is up to you, but it’s usually 15 to 20 percent of the check.

Lesson 26 The Missing Tip

Chen is in America. His American friend, Daisy, suggested having lunch with him at a restaurant.

C: Why’s that waiter so angry?

D: Those people who just left didn’t seem to give him any tip, which made him angry.

C: Is that absolutely necessary here?

D: Kind of. It’s the custom. You can’t really avoid leaving at least a small tip.

C: But suppose the service is bad?

D: In that case, of course, we don’t leave one.

C: And does the waiter know that’s why you didn’t give him a tip?

D: Exactly. It’s just like telling him off.

C: No wonder he’s so angry.

D: Well, in fact, the people did leave him a tip, but that kid over there took it.

Lesson 27 Thank Your Lucky Stars

I remember when I was a young boy, life was tough. My parents made me do many things for them. For example, they had me do the laundry, the dishes and the house cleaning. They even got me to work part-time to help with the family expenses. If I was naughty, they would spank me. They would not let me go outside the house for days.

Nowadays, life is quite different for kids. Parents can’t force them to do anything. On the contrary, it seems as if children can get their parents to do anything for them. Parents and teachers are even afraid to spank children for fear of being sued. It amazes me , therefore, whenever I hear youngsters complain.

Instead, they should be thanking their lucky stars.

Lesson 28 Going on a Diet

Little Johnny is talking to his mother.

J: How come you always make me do things I don’t want to?

M: What do you mean?

J: Well, for instance, you always force me to eat steaks, pork chops and chicken, day in and day out.

M: Ok. What do you want?

J: All I want is vegetables and fruit from now on.

M: What’s wrong with you? Are you sick?

J: No, but I want to go on a diet.

M: Why?

J: Everyone’s calling me Fatty at school.

M: Oh… I get it now.

Lesson 29 Just a Dream

One day I was at home listening to music when suddenly I felt a pain in my neck. As I tried to turn my head, I head my neck crack. I got the fright of my life. I was so scared that I could feel my legs trembling.

"What’s the matter with me?" I thought to myself.

Just then, I felt myself slapped by someone. I opened my eye and saw my teacher standing over me with an angry look in his face. I realized then that I had been dreaming. I didn’t mind getting caught dozing off in class. I was happy what happened was just a dream.

Lesson 30 Yes,Sir

The teacher wakes me up from my dream.

T: Get up, you lazybones!

M: Oh… sorry, sir, I must have fallen asleep.

T: You bet. And we could see you shaking like a leaf.

M: Really? Wow! Thank goodness I was dreaming.

T: What? You were dreaming in class and you are happy about it?

M: Uh…yes, sir.

T: What? Do you take me for a fool?

M: Yes, sir…I mean no, sir.

T: As punishment you are to write, "I must not sleep in class" 100 times.

M: No. Sir.

T: Wrong. You should say, "yes, sir."

M: Whatever, sir.

T: Oh, I give up.

M：Good, sir.

Lesson 31 Good Feng Shui in New York

Feng shui, or geomancy in English, is becoming more and more popular in America. The Chinese consider feng shui old news, but to Americans, it’s something brand-new. Store and home owners are consulting feng shui masters for advice.

How did this ancient Chinese tradition make its way across the seas? The answer is quite simple. Chinese businessmen have been building high rises in America. They deem it necessary to rely on feng shui experts, just as they would at home. More and more wealthy Americans are beginning to believe in geomancy. They say that geomancers in New York make US$250 an hour! In view of this, we can foresee a bright future for geomancy in America.

Lesson 32 Goldfish, Souls and Coffee Table

Ms. Smith, an American, is talking to Mr. Ting, an expert on feng shui.

S: What changes would you suggest for my house?

T: I think that you should get an aquarium with goldfish.

S: Why?

T: Goldfish bring good luck.

S: Ok. Anything else?

T: You should also get rid of that mirror in front of your bed.

S: Why?

T: Your soul travels at night. It must find its way back to the body. The soul might see your body in the

mirror and get confused.

S: Hmm…really? What else?

T: Um… (He bumps into a coffee table.) ouch! And get rid of this table.

S: Why? It’s just a coffee table.

T: It’s dangerous. It will bring you bad luck.

S: Uh… are you sure?

Lesson 33 A Deadly Current

It is a pity that every summer a few people drown at the beach. In some cases, these people were good swimmers. So how did it happen? Riptide!

Riptide is a strong underwater current. It moves quickly away from shore and out to sea. It appears suddenly and pulls its victim under and far off shore. Therefore, people should make it a rule never to swim too far out from the beach.

If you find yourself in a riptide, don’t panic. And by no means should you try to go against the tide and swim back to shore. You’ll tire yourself out and probably drown. Instead, swim parallel to the beach.

A riptide is very narrow. So just a few strokes in the right direction and you’ll be out of danger.

Lesson 34 A Lifesaving Kiss

Tonya is a beautiful lifeguard. She has just saved Marvin from drowning in the ocean.

M: I feel a little groggy.

T: That’s natural. You nearly drowned a minute ago.

M: you saved my life! You’re my savior!

T: Don’t get too excited. A minute ago you weren’t breathing, and I had to give you CPR.

M: Oh, I wish I could remember that mouth-to-mouth resuscitation with such a beautiful woman as you.

T: Take it easy, OK?

M: Oh, wait… I feel faint again.

T: Nice try, buddy, but don’t even dream about it.