Why I’m Here

让爱停留

My mom has a magnetic force around her. Rootless things fly through the air toward her and land at her feet. Five husbands did, one right after the other. She was 15 years old when Number One appeared. There’s only one photo of her from back then. She’s got one foot up on the running board of an old pickup truck. She’s got a hand up like she’s trying to shield her eyes. She looks like she’s seeing something off in the distance, something that’s better than anything within reach.

我的妈妈浑身上下都散发着磁力。空中的飞行物都会朝她飞来，落在她的脚边。就连她的五个丈夫也不例外，一个接一个地出现。遇见第一任丈夫时，她才15岁。她只有一张那时候的照片。照片中的她一只脚踩在一辆老旧小卡车的脚踏板上，举起一只手，试着护住眼睛，看起来就像她正在眺望着远处的什么，一些比眼前的任何事物都要美好的东西。

The day she met Arnie, Number One, was one of those days when you swear you can reach out and grab a handful of air, all hot and thick and going nowhere. Arnie’s car broke down on the road that ran alongside the trailer park, just as Ma and her mom were coming back from the store, each carrying a bag of groceries. Arnie stood frowning into his engine, looked up as the women passed and asked the distance to the nearest gas station or garage. According to Ma, he got as far as “Hey ladies, can you tell me how far it is?” and Ma, full of too much humidity and boredom, shot back, “Too far for those fancy shoes to carry you.”

妈妈遇见第一任丈夫阿尼那天，就如那些闷热日子中的一天——你能发誓只要一伸手就能抓住一把空气，热辣辣的，厚重得根本不会从指间溜走。阿尼的车抛锚了，停在活动房屋停车场旁边的马路上，那时妈妈和她的妈妈刚好从商店回来，手里各提着一袋杂货。阿尼站在那儿，看着车子的引擎皱眉头，抬头之时看见母女俩经过，便询问到最近的加油站或者修车站的距离。据妈妈说，他当时就只说了一句：“女士们，你们好，请问你们能告诉我那个地方离这里多远吗?”而妈妈——早已汗热湿透也被闷坏了——丢回一句：“远到你那对漂亮鞋子走坏了都走不完。”

Ma watched him pull his head back and start laughing. The car got fixed, and the next thing my grandma knew was that her daughter seemed to be always getting into that car or getting out of it. Finally, my grandma signed the papers and Ma and Arnie were married. In four months, Arnie was in the Merchant Marines, halfway around the world. Ma carried all his letters in her bathrobe. She cried that she couldn’t hold onto the calls like she could the letters. After about a year, her bathrobe pockets went back to just lint and tissues, and in no time at all, the divorce was finalized.

妈妈看着他把头缩了回去，笑了起来。车子修好了，而外婆知道的下一件事情便是她的女儿总是从那辆车子里进进出出。最后，外婆在文件上签了字，妈妈和阿尼便成了合法夫妻。四个月后，阿尼进入了商船队，踏上了环游世界的旅途。妈妈把他所有的来信都装在浴袍里。她哭着说自己没有办法留住他的来电，就像保存他的信件一样。大约一年之后，她浴袍上的口袋只剩下绒毛和纸屑而已，没过多久，离婚成了最终定局。

Number Two was Claude, who became the father of Ma’s first child. The others followed so fast it was like they were all lined up inside her, waiting. I belong to Number Three, although by the time I was born, Number Three was long gone. Numbers Four and Five added a few more towns and houses of their own. After a while, I lost count of all the places we lived.

妈妈的第二任丈夫叫克劳德，是她第一个孩子的父亲。妈妈的其他孩子出现得如此之快，就像他们早就在她的肚子里排队等候着。我是妈妈第三任丈夫的孩子，虽然在我出生的时候，第三任早就不见了踪影。第四、五任丈夫分别带着我们住过几个城镇以及他们的几所房子。不多久，我也数不清我们都在哪些地方生活过了。

Ma left Number Five when my grandma died, came back to Cockeysville, sold the trailer and bought a pickup truck. By then, I was the last one at home. We started out for Michigan, got as far as South Bend, Indiana and stayed long enough for me to get a job at the phone company. Ma met Mel, and for the first time ever, she said she’d live with a man but not get married.

外婆去世之后，妈妈离开了第五任丈夫，回到了巴尔的摩的科基斯维尔，卖掉了活动房屋，再买了一辆小卡车。那个时候，我是兄弟姐妹中唯一一个仍然留在家里的。我们动身前往密歇根，来到了印第安纳州的南本德市，一直待到我找到一份在一家电话公司上班的工作。妈妈与梅尔相遇了，她第一次这么说：她会和这个男人一起生活，但不会再结婚了。

It’s a lot of years later and I’ve never left South Bend. Don’t ask me if I like living here; it’s not a question I’ve ever asked myself. It’s just where I am. I’ve been married for 15 years to the same man, and we’ve always lived in the same house. I don’t want to ever think about moving. I told my husband I chose him because he was born in South Bend. And because he’s a locksmith. His job is to make locks for houses where people want to stay put. Or he helps people who have been locked out of their house so they can get back in. I have about 20 extra keys to my house. I always want to be able to get back in.

时间已经过去多年，我从未离开过南本德。别问我是否喜欢在这里生活;我从来没有问过自己这个问题。这里就是我所属的地方。我和同一个男人结婚15年了，一直住在同一所房子里，没想过要搬家。我告诉丈夫，我选择他是因为他出生在南本德，而且他是一个锁匠。他的工作就是制作锁头，让人们可以待在自己不想离开的房子里;或者帮助那些被锁在门外的人开锁，好让他们回到屋里去。我有大约20把我家的备用钥匙。因为我希望自己总能回到家中。