How to Forget Someone You Really HateNot being able to get something that bothers you out of your mind can be very annoying! It can be doubly annoying if that something is thoughts about someone you hate. Wouldn’t it be better if you could forget that person, and so free yourself from these thoughts?
It is often said that love and hate are the two sides of the same coin, and although love may seem too strong an emotion to consider having for a person you hate, there is often an emotional attachment that stops you from just letting go of all thoughts and feelings, as you would for someone you didn’t care about. So, how to forget someone that you have such strong emotions about?
诸多烦恼事困于脑中着实纠缠人心!况那烦事又为憎恨之情，痛苦便加倍袭来。若要释怀灵魂，何不忘却仇家，泯掉恨意?
常言道：爱憎乃铜币两面，过于炙热的爱无法给予憎恨之人，且粘滞的情感又会阻挠众人幸免于尘世，即便那情感关乎无关痛痒之人。如此这般，竟要怎样才能忘却那揪心的厌恶人?
Lose the Hate.
To forget someone you really hate requires taking the emotion out of the equation. Hate is a strong emotion and when focus is put on it the mind believes and accepts it as real, and the more real it feels the more time you will find yourself focusing on it. Emotions are created by the thoughts we have, but thoughts are not necessarily facts: we choose which thoughts we accept as being true. Be mindful of the negative thoughts you have for that person, and when you become aware of them entering your mind, allow them to pass, without engaging with them. With practice this will become a subconscious action, requiring no conscious awareness or cognitive effort.
卸去恨意
想要摆脱仇恨得需摆脱感情的禁锢。恨，乃是一种强烈的情感，若过于认真，它将会钻入骨髓，食人心骨，你若越执拗，它便越往深处钻。情感皆生于意念，但意念却非真正诱因：主导选择何种意念的核心是我们自己。留意你对他人的怨念，敞开心胸，宽恕他人，切勿执意怀恨。长此一来，无需认知和领悟，潜意识尚会加深。
Question Your Behavior.
Why do you hate the person? Have they really done something so abhorrent that it entitles you to bestow such a strong emotion on them? Or, is it possible that the hate is more a result of where you are in your world? Are you a happy person, easy going and laid back, or are you quick-tempered, easily annoyed, and always ready for a fight? If the latter sounds like you, then maybe the problem is more about your behavior, beliefs and interpretations to what happens around you, and less about the other person. Changing the way you react may help resolve your feelings towards the other person, making it easier to move on, and forget about them.
自我解析
恨缘何而起?那人做了何种罪恶之事，以致你将此沉重情绪加之于他?亦或你的世界原本就只有仇恨?你是乐观通达之人?还是易怒焦躁之人?若更似乎于后者，那其因更多在于自身的修养信念以及对世俗的洞察，无关他人的影响。调整自我的为人处世，将能化解对他人的怨念，忘却仇恨，前路也将豁然开朗。
Find Closure.
Resolve to accept what has passed: you can’t change the past, and negative emotions—such as hate—damage the future. Decide to forgive them, and also forgive yourself for holding negative thoughts about another person. Place yourself in their shoes and consider how things could look from their perspective. In their shoes, would you agree that they should have such a strong emotion attributed to them? Also, put yourself in the position of an impartial observer; someone who doesn’t know either of you. How would they interpret your actions? It’s a lot harder to hold such extreme views when you look at something from the perspectives of others. Is it possible to talk to the person? Often differences, however big they seem, can be resolved by talking with the other person. Misunderstandings can be discovered, compassion can be given, and the person’s good qualities can become apparent, if given a chance. You may not become friends, trust or respect the person, but it’s possible to achieve a healthy downgrade from hating them.
学会放手
接受既成的事实：如果无法改变过去，不能扭转仇恨一类的悲情，亦或者毁灭未来的情绪。就放下它们吧，同时也宽恕自己曾经的怨气。进入对方的世界，从对方的角度去观察一草一木。如此，你还会执意去恨他们么?带着客观的眼光判断;若有一个局外者站在公正的立场上，他会怎样解读你的行为?一旦你将心比心，又怎会产生如此极端的仇恨呢。沟通乃理解之始，再大的分歧与误解，在沟通的笼罩下便会淡然无光，怜悯之心将油然而生，人性光辉也会耀然跃出。若然成真，即成不了至交，至少能对其刮目相看。
Reminders of the Person.
Do you have any reminders of this person? Photos, clothes, etc that can act as a stimulus to thoughts being created about the person. Maybe its worth removing them from sight, either putting into storage or disposing of them entirely. If there are places that the person frequents, consider going or being somewhere else if that doesn’t have a detrimental effect on you. This might not be possible if you work with them, for example, but often the anger and hate we feel for a person can draw us to places we think they might be. Sometimes, something as simple as a song being played on the radio, or a smell of a particular food can trigger the thoughts. Although its not possible, or healthy, to try to avoid everything that acts as a reminder, removing obvious reminders will reduce the amount of times these trigger your thoughts of the person. Avoid creating more reminders by writing about them online on social networks or keeping a journal. Sometimes, writing about a problem you have can help release the attachment you have with them, helping put your thoughts into context in order to get closure. Just be sure to not keep reliving these thoughts by keeping what you have written. Disposing of the pages can be a physical way of getting rid of those thoughts, and remember that once you’ve posted something online there’s more chance of what you’ve written being viewed and discussed by yourself and others.
抹去所怨的痕迹
关于那人的一切，有否留下痕迹?有否留下相片、衣物等物件，这些东西可会时刻提醒他的存在。但眼不见为净，最好将其统统丢弃。如若那人常去某处，你何不避开他，到其它地方寻开心呢?毕竟，虽然跟憎恨的人共事是断不可能，但我们却容易被怨气所迷惑，引致对方亟能出现之地。即便是单一的曲子亦或食物的属味，我们也会不时地受其影响，思绪便如火药般点燃。尽管强迫抹去厌恶人的痕迹过于压抑，但若将鲜明的痕迹移除，未尝不是件好事。不妨在网络上和日志中一一记下那些敏感事物。其实，写下你所遇的问题，能助你走出迷途，让思绪在条理中明朗。切莫将你所想所写之事耿耿于怀。终日忙活于网络和日志可助你摆脱那畏缩情绪，因一旦愁事公布于众，解决的机会也悄然增大。
Refocus Your Energy.
Aim to get on with and progress in your life. Use all the energy wasted on hate to pursue new interests, career progression at work, and people you care for and enjoy spending time with. Remind yourself that you are wasting time and energy hating that person—time and energy that could be put to positive use, focused on people you think are better deserving of it.
“That’s the best revenge of all: happiness.” ~ Chuck Palahniuk
聚神于心
致力活出更美妙的人生。何不将耗在仇恨上的精力用于找寻乐趣，追求事业，并和爱的人一起度过那美好时光。得要时刻警醒自己，切莫让岁月在仇恨中消逝---因那岁月是用来珍惜的，只有真正值得的人才配拥有。
“活得快乐，是最痛快的复仇方式。”--恰克·帕拉尼克
（兼职编辑：杨帆）
