A father’s job is unique.

当爸是件无人能替代的活儿。

If parents had job descriptions mine would read:

如果为人父母有职务简述的话，我的"职务简述"将会包括如下内容：

organize bills, playmates, laundry, meals, laundry, carpool1, laundry, snacks, outings and shopping, and laundry.

管理账单和孩子们的玩耍同伴、洗衣、做饭、洗衣、安排与人合伙用车、洗衣、准备小吃、安排短途旅游、购物、洗衣。

The only thing on my husband’s description would be the word "fun" written in big red letters along the top.

我先生的"职务简述"是在上端用红色写出的两个大字——"乐子"。

Although he is a selfless caregiver and provider,

尽管他无私地给予孩子们百般关爱，尽其所能为他们提供所需，

our children think of him more as a combination of a jungle gym and bozo and clown.

我们的孩子们更多的时候还是把他看作攀缘游戏架、大傻瓜和小丑的三合一。

Our parenting styles compliment each other.

我们俩为人父母的风格是互补的。

His style is a nonstop adventure

他的风格是持续不断的探险，

where no one has to worry about washing their hands, eating vegetables, or getting cavities4.

在这过程中，没有人需要操心孩子是不是洗手了，是不是吃蔬菜了，或者会不会长蛀牙。

My style is similar to Mussolini5.

我的风格则类似墨索里尼的执政风格。

I’m too busy worrying to be fun.

我太忙了，为这操心，为那操心，哪里顾得上找什么乐子。

Besides, every time I try, I am constantly outdone by my husband.

再者，每次我试图逗孩子们开心，我总是被我先生比下去。

I bought my children bubble gum flavored toothpaste,

我给孩子们买来带泡泡糖香味的牙膏，

and I taught them how to brush their teeth in tiny circles so they wouldn’t get cavities.

教他们如何用牙刷转圈儿刷牙以免得蛀牙。

They thought it was neat until my husband taught them ,

他们认为那样刷挺好玩，直到有一天我先生教他们

how to rinse6 by spitting out water between their two front teeth like a fountain.

如何漱口——从两颗门牙间把水喷出来。他们发现这才叫好玩。

I took the children on a walk in the woods and, after two hours,

我带孩子们到小树林里去散步，两个小时后，

I managed to corral7 a slow ladybug8 into my son’s insect cage.

我好不容易才逮住一个迟钝的瓢虫放进我儿子的虫笼里。

I was "cool" until their father came home, spent two minutes in the backyard,

在他们眼里我是够"酷"的，直到他们的父亲回家，在后院里只花了两分钟，

and captured a beetle the size of a Chihuahua9.

便捕获了一只有奇瓦瓦小狗那么大的甲虫!

I try to tell myself I am a good parent even if my husband does things I can’t do.

我劝慰自己我是个好妈妈，尽管我先生能做的事情我做不了。

I can make sure my children are safe, warm, and dry.

我可以确保我的孩子们是安全的、暖和的、干干爽爽的。

I’ll stand in line for five hours so the children can see Santa at the mall

我可以排队等5个小时，让孩子们在大商场里看到圣诞老人

or be first in line to see the latest Disney movie.

——或者第一个排队让孩子们看最新的迪斯尼影片。

But I can’t wire the VCR1 so my children can watch their favorite video.

但是我不会给录像机接上电线，好让孩子们看他们喜欢的录像。

I can carry my children in my arms when they are tired, tuck them into bed, and kiss them goodnight.

当孩子玩累时，我可以把他们抱到床上，亲吻他们，送他们进入梦乡。

But I can’t flip them upside down so they can walk on the ceiling ,

但是我无法让他们头冲下，那样他们可以脚踏天花板漫步;

or prop them on my shoulders so they can see the moths flying inside of the light fixture.

或者把他们扛在我的肩膀上，让他们看飞蛾如何在灯具里飞舞。

I can take them to doctor appointments, scout meetings, or field trips to the aquarium,

我可以带他们去看医生，参加童子军集会，或者带他们去参观水族馆，

but I’ll never go into the wilderness, skewer a worm on a hook, reel in a fish,

但是我永远也不会进入荒郊野地，在鱼钩上挂上虫饵，钓上一条鱼，

and cook it over an open flame on a piece of tin foil.

然后把鱼用锡纸包起来在明火上烤着吃。

I’ll even sit in the first row of every Little League game and cheer until my throat is sore and my tonsils are raw,

我甚至可以出席每一场少年棒球联合会的比赛，坐在第一排呐喊助威，直到我的嗓子喊疼了，我的扁桃体发炎了，

but I’ll never teach my son how to hit a home run9 or slide into first base10.

但是我永远无法教我的儿子如何打一个本垒打或者如何巧妙进入一垒的位置。

As a mother I can do a lot of things for my children, but no matter how hard I try I can never be their father.

作为一个母亲，我可以为我的孩子们做许多事情，但是不管我怎样努力——我永远成为不了他们的父亲。